In response to an article read on LinkedIn written by Dr. Trav is Bradberry titled Ten Things Smart People Never Say, accompany with a picture which says censorship as it bears the picture of a man with a three-quarter of his mouth zips up.
At girlfridayz, we strongly disagree with this article which breeds negativity and seriously lack of emotional intelligence. The scenario in which Dr. Travis bases his article his in a workplace environment and how to speak with your teams, with your colleague and bosses. The whole statement or phrases used as an example are taken out of context, and turned into an amazing negative minefield and generated a mixture of comment some in agreement and some in disagreement.
So what makes us strongly disagree at Girlfridayz
Is all article is about censorship and he even has the picture to back it up — As to "censor" is to review something and to choose to remove or hide parts of it that are considered unacceptable. Censorship is the name for the process or idea of keeping things like obscene word or graphic images from an audience. There is also such a thing as self-censorship, which is when you refrain from saying certain things — or possibly re-wording them — depending on who is listening.
The latter in bold is what Dr Travis Bradberry is advocating people self-censorship which not good at all and in our view could be borderline dishonest, also sugar-coating what you think to make you appear likeable or the cool person around a person of interest or status or your boss that also make you by definition an hypocrite and definitely not authentic but an impostor trying to get brownie point in front of people hence loosing credibility.
Why is it important to say what you think and what you feels in the workplace, because it can bring change and positive changes for the best and people will like you and praise you more likely to trust you and feel that you are credible. It all depend on how you say it, has if you state the positive the negative them finish by a positive most people will listen and accept what you saying.
A good example of this the young boy who wears a dress at work during the recent heatwave. Joey Barge, 20, from Buckinghamshire, turned up in a pair of smart blue shorts But bosses deemed them inappropriate despite the sweltering heat They sent him home - but he came back wearing a bright pink dress in 'protest' Act of defiance sparked a change in the rules which Joey branded a 'partial win' Read more:
I'll try to demonstrate some of the phrases that Dr. Travis say to ban in your speech in the workplace to use in my example as a positive constructively manner and I think that my example will be a resounding success.
All the bold statement is what Dr Travis think you should never say and he gave his point of view as to why you should not as it apparently make you look bad in the eyes of whom I do not know but it does according to him.
“This is the way it’s always been done.” Let put this statement in context as to when someone might say that.
Scenario 1
Let say you in your job you work as a baker for several years and you have a certain way to do things in your company as a team and you always make the bread early morning by hand. A new baker boss coming in but prefer to use a machine to make the bread and say it is faster and a better way to make the bread. Everybody use the machine but some people are not happy and still prefer using his or her hands.
In supervision with their manager: the manager can ask do you think the machine to make the bread has made your job easier and this person replied yes it has I am pleasantly surprised as kneeing the bread by hand is the way it's always been done here so I am glad that you introduce the machine it does make my job a bit faster cut down on the kneeling process hence an improvement, however, I am quite happy that after the bread dough rise after two hours we still need to punch down the dough and divide it into 2 pieces then it ready.
I do not think that it makes you sound lazy and resistant to change, at but this example shows a conversation between two people.
"It’s not my fault" Let put this statement in context as to when someone might say that.
Scenario 2
With this one it tricky because if it is your at fault it is best to say you done it as oppose to blame someone else take ownership of your mistake and be accountable on the hand if you did not do it you do not have to offer an explanation unless someone ask you.
So let say you break a vase something valuable to one person and it was dear to them, you could find yourself saying it's not my fault I was holding it and it slips out of my hand I am so sorry I did not deliberately break it and I want to pay for damages, please let me know how much the replacement cost.
In this example the person admits they break it and do not blame anyone else and even offer an explanation on how it breaks.
“I can’t.” Let put this statement in context as to when someone might say that.
Scenario 3
with this one is another tricky one you might be employed in a job and are asked something to do, something that you never did before or not comfortable doing and think you mess the whole task so best not touch it.
Instead of jumping in and say yes I can do it and mess the whole lots and later on your boss finding out that you could not do it and they can turn around and tell you why did you say you can and you clearly cannot.
I wrote a case study on this with one of my customers who call me panicking because he lost his website while trying to transfer it to his own registrar if interested click on the link to see how we fixed the issues and left a happy satisfied customer.
Your colleague might ask you can you help me with this task and you find yourself saying sorry I cannot help you because I am not familiar with what you were asked to do maybe if you show me I maybe able to help.
Your boss may ask you can you stay late tonight to finish this off, you can say I cannot on this occasion but I can come earlier tomorrow if it all right. his other example as "I cannot run those number because I am not familiar with this type of analysis but I am willing to learn how to do it" and "I don’t yet know how to run that type of analysis" it essentially the same as I can't because you still saying you do not know and you asking for training so you can do it on your own next time.
There is nothing wrong is saying that you cannot do something, it is better to say you need training in something that not saying anything and in your next supervision your boss tell you poor performance, have you got any difficulties in doing any of your duty.
"It's not fair" Let put this statement in context as to when someone might say that.
scenario 4
Let say you are victimised in the workplace and you are treated unfavourably by your boss or your colleague, in your complaint you can very well say that you are treated unfavourably in the workplace and you feel victimised by your colleague or your boss and it not fair and you do not thing that should be treated any different or lesser than any other member of the team.
There is nothing wrong in saying that it not fair in this occasion because it truly isn't and also illegal.
Now Dr Travis example show someone who was expecting to get that big project and it was awarded to someone else, and they truly thought that they should have got it and think it unfair that I did not get it so he suggests that you go and question the decision of your boss in not awarding you the big project and style it by I’d like to know why you thought I wasn’t a good fit, so that I can work on improving those skills.
the fact you were not awarded the big project may not have anything to do with your skills which need improving it could just mean that on this occasion Ann was a better fit for the job and also many other factors might have gone in to make that decision to chose Ann over you. It does not necessarily mean it was your skills which need improving.
but you could ask feedback in another way which does not sound like you questioning the decision of your boss over giving someone else a job. Maybe you could say could you please give me some feedback as to why I did not get the job on this occasion thank you.
“That’s not in my job description.” Let put this statement in context as to when someone might say that.
Scenario 5
this statement that not in my job description might be said more between colleague away from bosses than out loud in the team or at a team meeting to put themselves on the spot. But in supervision, someone might very well say that with his or her boss on a one to one.
In a positive way with your boss during your supervision, he pops the question how do you find your workload you might reply it fine but lately have been asked to do some task with are not part of my job description and you might add I do no mind doing them as I am learning new thing. Your boss could asked how do find the new duty and could reply I like them it a change and could I go on training to learn about my new duty.
Or you could say you lately have been asked to do some extra workload which is not really part of my job description and it a bit difficult to cope and meet the deadline and you could add this additional workload it too much for me. Your boss could very well reply let look at a way of making your workload more easy for you and offer an explanation as to why you suddenly have more work to do and say it is because we are short of staff so we share the extra duties amongst available staff.
When I was working in Housing we always had to do the job of Housing Officer as well as Housing Support Worker, we complain within the team among us on occasion but no one went and tell any manager it not part of our job description you just know you do no say that randomly blustering it out. This statement is more on a one to one basis with your boss.
And I do not think there is something wrong in saying that to your boss on a one to one either and make you look pity.
In conclusion
Emotional intelligence is the capability of individuals to recognise their own and other people's emotions, discern between different feelings and label them appropriately, use emotional information to guide thinking and behaviour, and manage and/or adjust emotions to adapt to environments or achieve one's goal(s).
In comparison of this definition on Emotional Intelligence and the article of Dr Travis breed negativity and advocate insecurity in people rather than instil confidence in people as the emphasis on how one might look bad even when the words are true, which essentially mean you say the truth and you make yourself look bad so better be dishonest in attempt to look good.
Worst of all, there’s no taking them back once they slip out. This re-enforcing the negativity by making it as if it was the worth thing you could ever say and you never could redeem yourself in front of people, which people may I asked.
Often it’s the subtle remarks—the ones that paint us as incompetent and unconfident—that do the most damage He just prove himself as incompetent with his remark and derogatory statement advocating self-censorship and negativity and dishonest behaviour in order to be like and that shows a serious lack of confidence, and self-esteem, assertiveness, and self-worth and he advocate that you need to behave like a chameleon depending on whom you meet in your workplace.
No matter how talented you are or what you’ve accomplished, there are certain phrases that instantly change the way people see you and can forever cast you in a negative light. This very statement is detrimental to people accomplishment and skills, the example he uses does not warranty anyone to have a tarnish reputation and your achievement is somewhat diminished or lesser because you say any of the example of phrases he used for his negative damaging article.
These phrases are so loaded with negative implications that they undermine careers in short order. the whole article is loaded with negative implications and contention, Dr Travis has not thought this article through or he really believe in these phrases been the worth thing you could ever utter out of your mouth. He lookalike he encounter dishonest people, lazy people or bad people in his life and was surrounded by negativity and he retain this in his head and regurgitate it in a bad article and play on people perception, however he wrote a book on emotional intelligence 2.0 wouldn't you think that he has plenty.
These phrases have a tendency to sneak up on you, so you’re going to have to catch yourself until you’ve solidified the habit of not saying them. He also means to say that it something people say all the time so it a habit it so bad that you need to suppress them. maybe it's something that he says all the time and needs to catch himself. All his phrases are taken out of context and make them look bad. His advocating a division between operational staff and bosses which can bring the moral team totally down. I wonder what his motivation.
There is nothing wrong in asking questions it better to ask active questioning than passive questioning. A phrases or statement taken out context can look bad if not explain or blurred out in an article and made to look bad the whole article emphasise how one can look bad or be a jerk. there is nothing constructive or informative in this derogatory article which will breed frustrated people who believe in his word that you cannot say what want or even feel in the workplace which is the scenario he used to emphases is points.
You can say anything in this life it is not what you saying is how you say it and if you use the sandwich method start with the positive and then the negative and finish by the positive.
Seems a little quiet over here
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